InnerConsultant

4 steps to resolving conflict

Written by Jesse Reason on Feb. 3rd 2021

How many times has this happened to you?

You’re chatting with a friend or a person you’re interested in getting into a relationship with and things suddenly turn sour after a disagreement or simple misunderstanding.

If the answer is a lot or it has happened recently, you’d probably agree that the situation can be frustrating to deal with.

You may even want to offer an ultimatum to simply have the issue dealt with so you can move onto other areas of your life with a clear mind.

Before you reply and hit that send button read through these steps first.

1) Calm your mind

Often when we are involved in these conflicts it can be all too easy to throw caution to the wind and let our emotions take hold.

Blaming and yelling can be common when we give our emotions the reins. Or perhaps, you’re a person that emotionally withdraws because it’s too draining. You may even retreat from the conversation as the possible threat of confrontation upsets you and makes you feel uneasy.

Before you do anything else. Do this one simple thing…

BREATHE. Take a deep breath and clear your mind.

Let go of the strong emotion. Let go of who is right and who is wrong. Feel the emotion, acknowledge it and let it go. Passing through you like a breath.

Before you can deal with the issue at hand we need to calm ourselves and relax. No jumping the gun with rash actions you may come to regret.

2) Identify the issue

Now that we are calm, we can now look at the situation more pragmatically and identify the issue. Reflect on the conversation.

The first place to start is to see if you said anything that may have been offensive, provocative, or inconsiderate.

When you take the responsibility to look at yourself first before looking for fault in the other person it puts you in their shoes. You must see both sides of the argument before you can talk it out. If this triggers you, go back to step 1 until you’re calm.

Obviously, this is subjective to the way you communicate with specific people but with this, in mind, you can always look at the patterns of previous conversations if you get lost.

Now, you can look at the situation and see where you think the other person was at fault.

Remain pragmatic through this process and don’t let your emotions sway your judgment.

3) Calmly confront

Great, now you’ve identified the source of the conflict.

Now that you’ve done this resist the urge to blame, drop the subject, or apologize. It’s always good to admit fault where possible but it’s important to do it correctly.

Next, we confront the situation. Notice, I didn’t say person. The act of confronting a person holds too much emotional sway on how you communicate and the preface of how you will communicate.

Regardless of who is at fault (if anyone), no one likes to be made wrong.

When people are made to feel wrong or at fault, the ego bristles, and they feel attacked.

Your reply to the person should address the issue without conveying blame.

E.g. The last time we talked there was a disagreement, I don’t want this to come between us so can you help me understand your side so we can resolve this together?

4) Work together

You’ve now done the most important thing, you’ve taken the first step in a situation no one wanted to address.

You’ve not only addressed the elephant in the room to clear the air but you’ve also shown a great deal of understanding and proven that solving the issue and repairing the relationship is more important than who was right or wrong.

This has set a new standard for your relationship and has opened doors for a deeper connection and more sharing if you want it.

Working together can be challenging as your emotions may flare-up in this process, just remember to stay calm and emotionally objective. Consider their point of view as well as yours.

At this stage, emotional objectivity is most important. Use the previous steps as you work together and do the required work.

Sometimes things don’t always work out. Even if you follow all of the steps above they only work if the other person is willing to meet you halfway.

Some people are pig-headed or too stubborn to try and resolve the issue.

These people are like immovable objects. They refuse to budge or concede any ground on the issue.

With that said, I’ll leave you with a question to prompt thought about these people if they exist in your life.

If you’re willing to do the difficult thing to strengthen your relationship with someone and address the conflict but they are not, is it worth keeping a relationship that is one-sided?

If this relationship is very important to you and you are determined to make it work then go back and go through steps 1 and 2 again. Once you get to step three it’s time to tweak the intent of your message.

If you’ve attempted to resolve the issue together and this feeling isn’t being reciprocated, it’s important that the other person knows how that affects you. Mention how it makes you feel, in a non-attacking and non-judgemental format.

The other person may be oblivious until you do.

If you found this post helpful and want to hear more about similar subjects, let me know in the comments below.

Jesse Reason

Jesse Reason helps men gain control over their lives. He is an expert at helping men build strong self-esteem, confidence, competency in their social and romantic lives, and rediscover who they are as a man. If you're interested in achieving the lifestyle of your dreams and reclaiming your manhood to pursue a life that is fulfilling and meaningful then definitely reach out and request a free strategy session today.

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